Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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