eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
