I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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