We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So drunk its hurt
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
