things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
