i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
