I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
