Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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