i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A+ Viking dick
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
