the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
