dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
