Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
