He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
