I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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