There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
