Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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