I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im drinking this country out of the recession.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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