I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think my moral compass just broke
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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