Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
