seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
