why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
