hotel room ftw
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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