i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
