Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
