my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it hurts more in the daytime
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
