I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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