enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize