I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
