I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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