theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
