I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
