just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
