I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
