I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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