Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
