The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just pee around me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
