I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize