True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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