His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This baby is an asshole
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
