I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize