I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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