come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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