Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this is an emotional support booty call
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
