how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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