Screwed.edu
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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