I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
