I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
