can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
