Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
