Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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