can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
