and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
