Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize