i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
