I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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