I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
