everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
