i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
