i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What a dumb baby whore.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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