:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
