i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
