so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
