We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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