she looked like the before picture.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
