And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We are two peas in an std pod
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
