i can't believe i had my finger in that
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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