i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
