I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
