My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
