The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
