I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
