Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Someone shit on the floor
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
