3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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