Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
