How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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