i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
