There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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